Booze the Liar

You don’t need booze in your life.

It’s time for a reality check. Booze does not provide you with any of the following; sophistication, glamour, sexiness, relaxation or happiness. It does not make you more interesting, and it doesn’t inject any pizazz into your personality. In fact, alcohol takes away your chance to shine – it stops the real YOU from shining through.

beer-belly

I am speaking with three and a half years of personal and sober experience when I say that alcohol is a big fat liar. Oh, how I once fell for its charms and the myth that I NEEDED to drink it. Oh, how I used to wholeheartedly believe that everything would be rubbish without those green bottles lined up in the kitchen, just waiting to be opened.

A long time ago, an ex-boyfriend told me that when I drank it was as though I had swallowed a ‘twat pill’. He loved me really. He could see what I never could – that my fantasy version of alcohol was a million miles off the reality, at least when it was me who was downing it. Other people drank and the booze seemed to take only a marginal effect upon their personalities; they became slightly more confident or a little more relaxed, less strung out. When I drank, I turned into a horrible person.

Here’s what booze ACTUALLY provided me with; arrogance, self-centredness, laziness, lack of productivity, very bad hangovers, terrible life choices, low self-esteem, shame and bucket loads of guilt. It kept me from knowing more about the person I am, it made true self-awareness impossible, and it caused me to look haggard and old. Drinking too much led me to walk to the recycling bin with carrier bags filled with clanking empties, dreading with every step that someone would leap out of nowhere for a chat and spot my little secret. Alcohol nurtured my depressive tendencies and it encouraged me to spend money that I didn’t have. Alcohol turned me into a master of disguises and a narcissistic, egotistical fool. It made me into a selfish mother and prevented my body from reaching optimum health. It lured me towards smoking, fatty foods and not enough exercise. Drinking too much resulted in me becoming a nervous, anti-social loner, and also a loud-mouthed, boorish drunk.

I lost my rose-tinted glasses about a year and a half after I consumed my last alcoholic drink. At that point I began to recognise just how wrong I’d got it with regards to those green bottles that I once loved to buy; for me, drinking was like chasing a ghost. Whenever I poured the liquid out into the oversize glass that made me feel so terribly sophisticated, I never found myself on the road to fulfilment. I was only left wanting more.

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5 thoughts on “Booze the Liar

  1. janenicole66 says:

    If I could write as well as this, those are the EXACT words I would have used to describe me! Thank you. I don’t feel so alone in my struggle with alcohol.

    • Thanks for your comment and I’m really pleased you enjoyed this post. You most definitely are not alone!! So many people out there who have experienced the same struggles – best of luck on your journey. Lucy x

  2. Lel69 says:

    Thanks for this . I wish I had read it last October when I relapsed after 16 months of sobriety . I was sure I could drink safely again and that I was ‘missing out ‘ . Needless to say , I have quickly reverted to a drunk in any social situation that I drink in . The struggle in my head is exhausting . I long for sobriety again but don’t seem to be able to sum up the inner strength to do so . Still smoking when drinking and full of self loathing . Day 1 AF today and this blog has focused my mind , stopped the resentment that I am not able to drink safely and pushed me to believing that I can embrace sobriety at some point and be free .

    • Hi, I hope you are feeling OK today and thanks for your comment. Your words really remind me of me a few years ago. That internal struggle is exhausting, but once you learn to overcome it, things become much easier. I’m sure you know all this from your 16 months though…have you ever read a book called Rational Recovery? I can recommend that, and Jason Vale’s Kick the Drink…Easily! – both really helped me. I’m glad my post has helped you a bit, and best of luck on your journey. I’m sure you’ll get it back. Lucy x

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