Anita’s Diary (pre-sobriety)

I found my old diary, hidden at the back of my wardrobe and away from prying eyes. I wanted to post a few entries because I’m sure that people will be able to relate to the anxiety and frustration that comes with drinking too much.

Goodbye wine, hello happiness!

6 August 2011

Okay, Im not beating myself up any more, the last year has been truly awful so its no surprise that I’ve been a mess. I have tried to moderate my drinking but often it doesn’t happen. I have put loads of weight back on and this alone makes me feel crap. So, I have made a decision, I am going to stop drinking FOREVER, I don’t know when yet, it will be after my sister has been over from Oz. I am reading books about it and thinking about it generally. At this point in my life I feel that stopping alcohol could really help me with lots of things. I would have a better chance at being the organised mum that I really want to be and I would lose weight too and get really fit. I went out for my last boozy girls night out last night, it was fun but I feel awful this morning, really awful.

7 August 2011

Just to say, I had another boozy day yesterday. We went to my eldest daughter’s friends birthday party, it was nice but it was just a bunch of adults getting pissed basically (me included), even at the time I felt slightly uncomfortable and irresponsible. I don’t want to do this anymore, this morning I feel so guilty about it. I also have that post booze anxiety feeling which is horrible and I can’t sleep. I fell asleep on the sofa, which I hate and was woken up by my son screaming at 2am. I think it is good to be aware how drinking makes me feel and write it down, especially in the run up to stopping altogether.

9 August 2011

Well, I drank a bottle of prosecco last night for absolutely no reason. That’s what I do, I have one big night out and then I just can’t stop for a few days afterwards so I feel really shit today. I’ve had loads of stuff to do with my son’s statement for school and it’s been impossible to focus. The main reason I’m writing tonight though is I’ve just totally lost it with my middle child, I slapped her hand really hard and screamed at her, now I feel so terrible about it. She has been really difficult lately but I should NEVER react like that. I know it’s because of drinking, I really have to stop and soon.. I haven’t had a drink today and thats where the irritability comes from too.

It is hard reading all this again, I feel transported back to that time, the negativity of it all still hits me, but what is amazing is that I feel I have been released from the horrible trap I was in. Thank god I saw the light, I don’t have to do it to myself anymore and neither do you. I am happier and fitter than I have been in years. I chose my 40th year to make a positive change in my life and its the best thing I ever did. If I can do it anyone can.

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9 thoughts on “Anita’s Diary (pre-sobriety)

  1. Thanks Kathryn, I know that my life has completely changed for the better since I have removed alcohol from the equation. I am glad I have a record of my feelings, pre-sobriety because it is, like you say a reminder of why you don’t do it anymore. Thanks again, Anita

  2. Marie Speak says:

    I saw Soberistas on calendar news and have been searching for the forum on my phone, the pre-sobriety blog has hit a cord.,.. Im still in the trap I need to give up its taking over my life. I drink on a weekend but am taking it to the extreme by starting to drink early in the day and into the night instead of making the most with my family. The anxiety is awful i am now coming down with all sorts of illnesses because my immune system is so low and believe its alcohol. My mother was an alcoholic and has after 40 years kicked the habit so I should know better about the damage its done to me. I need to do the same but Im struggling but really want to…. i sound weak dont I. I am, please help

  3. kobitas says:

    As the sister (in oz) I feel sad that as family I had no idea of the depth or complexity of the impact that drinking alcohol was having on your life! I’m proud of you Nita for sharing your painful experiences to help other people.

  4. Hi Marie,
    Thanks for getting in touch. I remember feeling like you a year or so ago. Its so depressing feeling trapped by drink but you just can’t imagine coping without it. You think that alcohol is helping you cope with anxiety and depression when actually, it is the very thing that is causing it.
    Firstly admitting that you have a problem is, in itself a massive step. I would suggest that you sign up for our email updates via our landing site at http://www.soberistas.com, from there you can also be directed to our blogs, twitter and Facebook page. Our website launches in November . The other thing that I found very useful was reading a book called “Kick the Drink…Easily !” by Jason Vale, it helped me remain positive in the face of what feels like such a massive decision.
    Next week we are guest blogging on a website called http://www.mindbodygreen.com, on here will be tips on how to be sober and happy. The main message I want to get across here is that you can do this, yes, it is a big decision to stop drinking but once you have made the leap, your life will start to get better, immediately. The main thing is to stay positive, it is the best decision you will ever make. Stay strong, I am sure you can do it, Anita x

    • marie speak says:

      Anita the first thing I have done is check for a reply and you have thankyou. I’ve even opened up to my partner and told him about my concerns, I feel better just for that. I’m going to get myself sorted and use the resources you suggest. While I’m being honest we do have a planned day today of going out with friends and no doubt we will be drinking but I am going to treat it as my last session. Can’t wait for the website launch. Thank you x Marie

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