When I drank alcohol, this was my life; get up with a hangover, slap on tonnes of make up in an effort to disguise this fact, eat something fattening and carb-tastic for breakfast, not go for a run, stumble down to the park with the dog, hurry back home feeling slightly queasy, take daughter to school, catch bus to work feeling exhausted and a bit anxious, buy a large, full fat latte and a cake for energy purposes, experience a sugar crash mid-morning due to fatigue, carb-loading and sugar frenzy, drink more coffee, eat large and fattening sandwich with fizzy drink for lunch, drag myself through the afternoon, get home, eat an unhealthy dinner, stick the TV on, drink more wine to eradicate all of the above, and then slope off to bed feeling desperate for sleep.
Today I got up at 5 am with a very poorly baby. She had some milk and then returned to her cot for an hour and a half whilst I did a monumental pile of ironing (multiple washes went on yesterday due to the baby being sick on an hourly basis) and made everyone’s packed lunch. I took daughter number one to school, returned home and went for a long-ish walk with the baby and dog. Then I spent a couple of hours walking around the downstairs of the house with a crying baby over my shoulder, before eventually settling her after a dose of Calpol about 10:30 am. Whilst she slept I crammed in about four hours’ worth of work into one, before she woke up and we started walking about again for a further two hours.
Mum arrived as back up mid-afternoon, providing some alternative form of company to the little bundle of snot and tears (poor thing), and kept me company for a while. I then took the baby to the doctor’s (viral, nothing he can do, just Calpol, fluids, sleep), brought her home and left her with Other Half whilst I went for a five mile run, came back, cooked dinner, ate it and then set about completing all the work that I didn’t get done today.
And during all of the pacing, consoling, cuddling, working and running that I ploughed through today, I never once felt tired, angry, impatient or grumpy, and nor did I feel the urge to consume three times what I should in calorie intake, and nor did I consider for one second buying or drinking a bottle of wine to cope with my day. I just got on with it, like normal people do (with a bit of help from Grandma and OH).
I think that I am not bothered by booze anymore. I think I am as I was intended to be, and it is such a relief.