It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding – How to Face Weddings Sober


Weddings often make you think of booze, and can cause some people to worry about attending as a healthy non-drinker. This acrostic poem is designed to help in a fear-of-weddings-when-sober type situation. Read on for some positive thinking, to embrace the night before the nuptials.

Eat whatever the hell you like and when everyone else is harping on about the number of calories in the decadent trio of puddings and mammoth cheese board, smile smugly and remind yourself you’ve banked at least a thousand spare calories by not drinking all day.

Dancing when hammered ain’t a good look. Drunken twerking, overly-sexy hip sashaying, arms locked around some slobbering bloke’s (who is on the verge of collapse) neck – the photos or, far worse, the video of any of the above behaviour at the evening’s disco would make you howl with shame.

Don’t forget that by not drinking YOU will remember all the good times – when everyone else is attempting to piece together the night’s events through an agonising hangover, you will be able to fully recall the Best Man’s (ahem, hilarious) speech, relive the bride and groom’s romantic first dance, and remember all the conversations you enjoyed with family and friends.

Instead of thinking you’ll be missing out, give yourself a sharp pinch and get back into reality – if you have always struggled to moderate your alcohol consumption, then going to a wedding and drinking alcohol amounts to social suicide! You’ll get hammered, and you won’t be able to sip daintily (as you may hope) from a glass of Champagne once every couple of hours until you feel the slightest fuzz of inebriation. Be honest, you’ll drink like a fish and be sozzled by dinner. The evening will then disintegrate into your worst nightmare (at least if you are anything like me, this WILL happen).

No, no, no. Weddings are NOT about alcohol; they are about love, commitment and family. Rethink what you have been told since childhood and repeat after me. Weddings are about LOVE.

Go to the wedding looking gorgeous. Spend a bit of cash on a fabulous outfit, a damn fine blow dry and a lovely pair of shoes. Plough your energy into looking your best and you’ll be smiling all day.

Sobriety takes a lot of getting used to. There will be ‘firsts’ to get through for a long while to come – first Christmas, first birthday, first wedding ceremony, first pop concert. But each time you tackle the challenge of a ‘first’ you will be making your next such event that bit easier. By the time you’ve done your third wedding sober it will feel entirely natural. And remember, the anticipation of any type of social occasion because you no longer drink will almost always feel worse than the event itself. There are of course the exceptions when you’ll find yourself at the wedding from hell, but hey, if you were drinking then it would still be the wedding from hell – only you’d have an almighty hangover and a truck load of embarrassing incidents to deal with too.

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