Going Back To My Roots

I was thinking recently about the shift in thinking that occurs when we stop wanting to drink, when we become completely satisfied with the idea of being alcohol-free on a permanent basis. When I quit drinking, I didn’t expect to turn into a happy Soberista. I imagined a life of teeth-gritting boredom, tedium as I observed the world around me downing alcoholic drinks with gusto, and the endless pursuit of attempting to fill the hole that booze had left behind.

I hid away from the world for a very long time when I put down the bottle. On the odd occasion when I did venture out socially, I felt like a freak, convinced everyone knew about my ‘little problem’. I didn’t conceive of this feeling ever disappearing, but instead resigned myself to growing accustomed to it and tolerating an existence defined by my teetotal stance.

As it turns out, my life has become somewhat characterised by my decision to not drink. But not for the reasons I thought it would: cravings, stigma, embarrassment and shame arising out of my ‘issue’ with alcohol. No, my life has become defined by sobriety because stopping drinking has been the most monumental decision I have ever taken – and the person I’ve become as a result of not drinking is the one that I should always have been. I feel like I’ve returned to my roots since quitting the booze.

What began as a painfully awkward, steep learning curve of living free from the shackles of alcohol dependency has blossomed into a profound love of life that is a million times better, because drinking no longer features in it. From April 2011 onwards, every ‘first’ was a giant hurdle that needed clambering over – sober. Christmas, birthdays, stressful days, boring days, lonely days, busy days, disappointments, nights out; each one loomed like a dark and treacherous mountain, but conquering those events brought satisfaction and confidence and contentment. And a healthy dose of self-belief too, which only furthered my ability to manage the next challenge that lay ahead.

Lucy Titanic

As time has gone on, I have forgotten what it felt like to want to escape my reality. I have lost the sensation of ‘needing’ a drink. I look at other people drinking and have absolutely no desire to join them in altering their minds. I am very happy to not drink.

If you are just starting out as a Soberista and currently every day without a drink, every minute of intense cravings for alcohol, feels like a mountain to be climbed, don’t despair. It passes. Honestly, it does. The only things that you need to embrace for the transformation to occur are a commitment to not having that first drink, and patience.

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9 thoughts on “Going Back To My Roots

  1. getmakeupforfree says:

    I am the child of an alcoholic (well I’m a child no more..I’ll soon be 32) and I’m glad to see you are embracing and sticking with your sobriety 🙂

  2. Congratulations on your success. All thou8gh my brother is sober, I still so strongly see the addict in him. You are an inspiration and I hope he finds the strength to be the better version of himself and push the ugly demon out for good…

    • Thank you for your comment, and I truly hope your brother gets that flick switched that makes him see how much better life is without his substance of choice. It can take a few steps forward and then some back but hopefully he’ll get there in the end. Lots of love, Lucy x

  3. sue says:

    day 179 – unbelievable – cannot pick up ‘just one’ thanks Lucy
    a close friend died suddenly on wednesday night in Sheffield and my first reaction would have been ‘ I need a drink’ instead went to see Richard Hawley in concert at The arena as planned. much more satisfying. ‘music was my first love’ John Miles not alcohol.

    • Hi Sue, I’m really sorry to hear about your friend, but that’s incredibly strong of you to have resisted the temptation to drink. I hope you are OK, it sounds like you are doing brilliantly well – 179 days is fantastic. Lots of love, Lucy xx

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