Making Connections – Sober

One of the reasons why alcohol can appeal to us is because it’s a social lubricant. It has the power to transform a shy, awkward wallflower into a wild, life-and-soul-of-the-party type – although for lots of people it unfortunately then has a habit of pushing things too far in that direction, drawing them into doing things they later regret. I used alcohol for social confidence, and over the years it became that I required more and more of it to get the same, initial hit. And when I consumed increasing amounts, I acted in an increasingly out-of-character manner of which I was deeply embarrassed and often ashamed the next morning.

But, a sense of connection is what so many of us are craving when we reach for a glass of something alcoholic at a social event, and it’s this crutch that can be so difficult to let go of when we decide we really would like to become alcohol-free. Is it possible then to achieve this connection when we are teetotal?

My answer to this question would be yes. Yes, you can obtain a sense of belonging, a feeling of unity with others, when you are stone cold sober – and the trick to doing so lies in self-confidence, patience and a solid belief in the knowledge that if you can’t control your alcohol consumption, people will far prefer you as you are naturally to when you are completely out of your mind.


It can be easy to fall into the trap of believing that alcohol makes us wittier, sexier, more attractive and interesting, but in reality this is a fallacy created in our own drunken minds. To the sober onlooker, people who are inebriated are quite boring, and they look a bit of a mess. These days, I enjoy far more the company of those who don’t drink to excess, and if I am forced to spend time with people who are heavily under the influence then I’m desperate to escape their company as soon as possible! The truth is that people who are not drunk are way more interesting, sensitive and funnier – although you do need to ensure that you’re spending time with people who you actually like (it’s fairly common when you quit the booze to realise that many of those you’ve always socialised with as a drinker are, in reality people whom you don’t care for all that much at all when sober).

With time, patience and no more drinking, a person’s self-confidence can be restored remarkably quickly following sustained and heavy alcohol misuse. And with that confidence, and a more positive reaction from friends and family, it is soon the case that one enters into a virtuous circle: a good response to the non-drinking version of you reinforces your suspicion that you’re better off not drinking, and the longer you continue to be alcohol-free, the more of a positive response you receive from the people in your life.

What it boils down to is this: connectedness is all very well and good, but if YOU are the sort of person who becomes drunk each and every time you consume alcohol, you are not connecting with anyone; rather you are distancing yourself more and more from the people you love and who love you. If you are someone without a reliable off-switch (like me) then it is absolutely true that you will be loved far more and by many more people as an alcohol-free person. Try it and see for yourself.

10 thoughts on “Making Connections – Sober

  1. Sarah Jackson says:

    I do agree with this, however, now nearly 3 years sober I also realise I am quite introverted and dislike too many people around me! The best thing is realising that this is OK and oh the deep joy of NOT having to go out and surround myself with drunken fools is simply wonderful 🙂

  2. Yes you’re right when you say that sober people are more interesting. Since I gave up alcohol completely, I feel that I need to escape the drunken chatter and loudness of the drinkers after a couple of hours in their company. But not all of the drinkers in my company are loud and annoying. I still love being out with my best buddies. They’re fun and we’ll behaved! As time goes on I feel much more confident socialising without alcohol. I can honestly say that I enjoy myself even more without it. I’m more relaxed because I don’t dread the horrible 2-3 day hangover, the anxiety it gives me, I go home when I feel like it because I have my car outside the door. It’s actually very empowering. I’m enjoying being me now. Giving up drinking still pisses some people off though……why?

  3. ok

    *Taelynn Davis*

    On Tue, Apr 19, 2016 at 2:50 PM, My journey, from wine lover to sober and happy… wrote:

    > Soberistas posted: “One of the reasons why alcohol can appeal to us is > because it’s a social lubricant. It has the power to transform a shy, > awkward wallflower into a wild, life-and-soul-of-the-party type – although > for lots of people it unfortunately then has a habit of pus” >

  4. This was one of the hardest aspects of getting sober and staying that way for me. It felt so foreign in the beginning I really just wanted to drop it all together, but like many things in life the uncomfortable nature of socializing without anything in addition gets easier the more i did it. Ty for the post.

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